"Dear Sparkly,
I get irritated with people when I try to make plans and they say 'Let me see what else may be going on then.' Why can't they make plans with me?"
Believe me, I feel your frustration! In a world of infinite possibilities, parties, and people it's easy to forget how to actually make a commitment to someone and keep it. I think we've all been on both sides of this- as the person unwilling to commit and the person who can't get commitment from others. I've seen it happening more and more.
So how do you handle it with grace and etiquette? First of all, if this is happening routinely with one specific person, kindly bring it to their attention. You may not be the only victim of theirs that gets treated this way. So give them the benefit of the doubt (don't just assume they don't ever want to spend time with you). Tell them "So when I tried to make plans with you you said (insert their excuse here) and what I hear it 'I don't want to make plans with you in case something better comes along'." Hopefully, your friend will realize how this comes across and try to make a commitment to plans in the future.
What if they make plans with me and then back out last minute? Again, if this is happening over and over, you need to talk to your friend. Understand, of course, that if their excuse is always the same, like maybe a family thing, then try to accept that you will never be as important to your friend as their family. It doesn't mean you aren't important, it just means they have different priorities. Talking to them will help them understand your side of things, too. If your friend doesn't use the same excuse but still cancels on your frequently, then it may be time to reconsider how often you try to spent time with them. Let them come to you next time.
I hope this helps! Send your etiquette questions to sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
I get irritated with people when I try to make plans and they say 'Let me see what else may be going on then.' Why can't they make plans with me?"
Believe me, I feel your frustration! In a world of infinite possibilities, parties, and people it's easy to forget how to actually make a commitment to someone and keep it. I think we've all been on both sides of this- as the person unwilling to commit and the person who can't get commitment from others. I've seen it happening more and more.
So how do you handle it with grace and etiquette? First of all, if this is happening routinely with one specific person, kindly bring it to their attention. You may not be the only victim of theirs that gets treated this way. So give them the benefit of the doubt (don't just assume they don't ever want to spend time with you). Tell them "So when I tried to make plans with you you said (insert their excuse here) and what I hear it 'I don't want to make plans with you in case something better comes along'." Hopefully, your friend will realize how this comes across and try to make a commitment to plans in the future.
What if they make plans with me and then back out last minute? Again, if this is happening over and over, you need to talk to your friend. Understand, of course, that if their excuse is always the same, like maybe a family thing, then try to accept that you will never be as important to your friend as their family. It doesn't mean you aren't important, it just means they have different priorities. Talking to them will help them understand your side of things, too. If your friend doesn't use the same excuse but still cancels on your frequently, then it may be time to reconsider how often you try to spent time with them. Let them come to you next time.
I hope this helps! Send your etiquette questions to sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
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