Sometimes I have people write in a question and I try to answer it as best I can. This time, though, I had to write to myself and ask "Why are these guys texting me this stuff?" I have one example of a guy asking me out via a text message and I have one example that really was a head scratcher because I have no idea why he texted me to tell me he was at work.
I have to admit that I was really dumbfounded by this conversation. I had NO IDEA why this guy was texting me to tell me he was at work. I actually had to ask a couple of others their opinion because I was so confused.
My friend suggested that it was one of two options
1)Defensive Mechanism- he's trying to protect the potential relationship by making sure I know he isn't looking anywhere else
2)Security Mechanism- making sure I'm still there while also keeping his options open
Like I said, I'm not sure which one he's using but from my experiences with him it's likely to be number 1.
There was more than one thing wrong with getting a text message like this from a guy.
1) Didn't consider my schedule- the guy didn't ask if I had other plans that evening. I knew I would have a long day the next day so I wasn't going to be able to go out at all.
2) Didn't consider the location- this guy didn't ask if that specific location was convenient for me i.e. if it was on my home
3) Didn't consider my food preferences- I, personally, don't eat Italian food. Sometimes I splurge and have a pizza (Like last night during a work meeting. Thanks, Boss!) but I prefer to not be around it because it's a trigger food.
4) THE COUPON- I understand about being frugal and having a budget, but mentioning that you have a coupon is just. plain. tacky.
Now, sometimes I would give the benefit of the doubt and just let it go. However, the week before I received this text message, the guy invited me to his birthday dinner (he even said that his friends would be covering his bill). At that point, he'd asked me out three times (all last minute invitations), so I agreed to go to the dinner. The guy ordered a lot of appetizers and a couple of drinks and his meal. The waitress decided to split his bill between everyone else, myself included, and I was not happy about having to cover this guys' food.
I am probably one of those rare people who will actually tell someone that they're doing it wrong, especially in regards to dating. The day after I received the text message invite to Grimaldi's I called that guy and told him exactly what he did wrong. He apologized and asked if he could make it up to me. I told him that would be fine.
My friend suggested that it was one of two options
1)Defensive Mechanism- he's trying to protect the potential relationship by making sure I know he isn't looking anywhere else
2)Security Mechanism- making sure I'm still there while also keeping his options open
Like I said, I'm not sure which one he's using but from my experiences with him it's likely to be number 1.
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