In the last 10 years I've learned a lot about friendship, and I rarely ever learned things the easy way. I learned that sometimes you don't have to talk every day, live in the same city, or even see each other that often to be friends. So here's most of what I learned about friendships...
1. You will not always be friends with your high school friends. I grew up in a small town, graduated with 39 people in my class, and I actually haven't seen most of those people since graduation day. It's not a bad thing, we all just went our separate ways. I was the only one from my class to attend Baylor University, whereas more than a handful went to Texas A&M. And the rest were nearly evenly divided between Howard Payne University and Dallas Baptist University. There were a couple of people that I kept in touch with for a few years, but as I've gotten older and gone down my life path, there has been less reason to stay in touch with those people.
2. Your college friends may lie, cheat, and steal. I hit the trifecta when I was in college because my first roommate did pretty much all of those things. She used my credit card to set up an online dating service profile. I had college friends who would lie to me all the time, just to see if I could tell.
3. Being a good friend isn't always easy. Have you ever had a friend tell you something that, while it was the truth, wasn't something you wanted to hear? Like how you made a comment that really hurt their feelings? Or that they really aren't okay with you dating their ex? It doesn't matter what side of the conversation you're on in this kind of situation, it's never easy. I've actually had more than one friend tell me they wanted to stop being friends because of this. Not that it doesn't hurt me, because it ABSOLUTELY does, but I always want to know if I can be doing something better as their friend. Unfortunately, I have discovered that not everyone shares my opinion. I do encourage honesty in friendship, though and if someone is routinely hurting you with their actions-speak up! And also be willing to listen to constructive criticism. It may save your friendship.
4. A real friend is there when you need them. Have I mentioned to the blog-o-sphere that I'm getting married? I am. In less than 60 days. That's 8 weeks. * weeks until my wedding is not a lot of time. Especially when a friend backs out on the wedding because they didn't want to hear a truth from me. Instead of their response being "I'm sorry I dropped the ball on planning some of your wedding stuff, what can I do?" I was met with excuses. Anyways... after that I texted 3 people and the one who picked up the phone and called me is a true friend. Offered me support when I needed it most. That's very important to me, as a bride, to have someone I can rely on.
5. Sometimes pride can ruin a friendship. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to suck it up and tell someone that you're sorry. Even if you don't think you did something wrong, hear them out and try to put yourself in their shoes. Learning to understand where your friends are coming from in an argument is a wonderful trait.
6. Don't let distance define the friendship. Honestly, distance can sometimes be the best thing for a friendship. One of my best friends from college, Jake, lives about an hour and a half away- not actually too much distance- but we still cherish the friendship we have. He's someone I can call when I need to plan a prank. I've known him for 10 years and we always have a good time when we do get to catch up. We haven't seen each other in over a year, but he's someone I definitely wanted in my wedding. No matter what was going on in our lives, we made sure to stay in touch.
7. Redefining the lines. Have you ever had a friendship that seemed to go in cycles? You'd be distant, then hang out in a group, then hang out in a smaller group, then soon enough you're best friends, then you have an epically huge fight? And then, before you know it, you're repeating the same cycle? I have experienced that with one friend and she finally realized that to maintain a better friendship with me, and others, she would actually need to redefine some boundaries in her friendships. My hat is off to her for trying to fix a problem and work on having healthier friendships with those around her.
8. Friendships shouldn't be disposable. This one came hard to me because I didn't realize that I treated my friends this way. Not that I would just turn my back on them, but I made them feel like I didn't need them. The funny thing was, they actually ended up turning on me and .... yeah. You know, no one likes being treated like they can just be replaced. It's common for employees to feel that way, but not friends. There's something to be said for making a commitment in friendship. Now, if someone is a toxic friend and trying to get you to do some illegal or immoral things, then yes, distance! But I mean, the people in your life that know you well and aren't afraid to be honest with you. Don't just get mad and walk away from them. Maybe have some cooling off time and then a civil discussion about things. I've had some friends who really hurt my feelings, but I felt like their friendship was worth fighting for. And not giving up on someone- well that makes them feel pretty darn good.
I hope that these pieces of advice helped you! Do you have anything else to add to the list? Please leave a comment below!
1. You will not always be friends with your high school friends. I grew up in a small town, graduated with 39 people in my class, and I actually haven't seen most of those people since graduation day. It's not a bad thing, we all just went our separate ways. I was the only one from my class to attend Baylor University, whereas more than a handful went to Texas A&M. And the rest were nearly evenly divided between Howard Payne University and Dallas Baptist University. There were a couple of people that I kept in touch with for a few years, but as I've gotten older and gone down my life path, there has been less reason to stay in touch with those people.
2. Your college friends may lie, cheat, and steal. I hit the trifecta when I was in college because my first roommate did pretty much all of those things. She used my credit card to set up an online dating service profile. I had college friends who would lie to me all the time, just to see if I could tell.
3. Being a good friend isn't always easy. Have you ever had a friend tell you something that, while it was the truth, wasn't something you wanted to hear? Like how you made a comment that really hurt their feelings? Or that they really aren't okay with you dating their ex? It doesn't matter what side of the conversation you're on in this kind of situation, it's never easy. I've actually had more than one friend tell me they wanted to stop being friends because of this. Not that it doesn't hurt me, because it ABSOLUTELY does, but I always want to know if I can be doing something better as their friend. Unfortunately, I have discovered that not everyone shares my opinion. I do encourage honesty in friendship, though and if someone is routinely hurting you with their actions-speak up! And also be willing to listen to constructive criticism. It may save your friendship.
4. A real friend is there when you need them. Have I mentioned to the blog-o-sphere that I'm getting married? I am. In less than 60 days. That's 8 weeks. * weeks until my wedding is not a lot of time. Especially when a friend backs out on the wedding because they didn't want to hear a truth from me. Instead of their response being "I'm sorry I dropped the ball on planning some of your wedding stuff, what can I do?" I was met with excuses. Anyways... after that I texted 3 people and the one who picked up the phone and called me is a true friend. Offered me support when I needed it most. That's very important to me, as a bride, to have someone I can rely on.
5. Sometimes pride can ruin a friendship. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to suck it up and tell someone that you're sorry. Even if you don't think you did something wrong, hear them out and try to put yourself in their shoes. Learning to understand where your friends are coming from in an argument is a wonderful trait.
6. Don't let distance define the friendship. Honestly, distance can sometimes be the best thing for a friendship. One of my best friends from college, Jake, lives about an hour and a half away- not actually too much distance- but we still cherish the friendship we have. He's someone I can call when I need to plan a prank. I've known him for 10 years and we always have a good time when we do get to catch up. We haven't seen each other in over a year, but he's someone I definitely wanted in my wedding. No matter what was going on in our lives, we made sure to stay in touch.
7. Redefining the lines. Have you ever had a friendship that seemed to go in cycles? You'd be distant, then hang out in a group, then hang out in a smaller group, then soon enough you're best friends, then you have an epically huge fight? And then, before you know it, you're repeating the same cycle? I have experienced that with one friend and she finally realized that to maintain a better friendship with me, and others, she would actually need to redefine some boundaries in her friendships. My hat is off to her for trying to fix a problem and work on having healthier friendships with those around her.
8. Friendships shouldn't be disposable. This one came hard to me because I didn't realize that I treated my friends this way. Not that I would just turn my back on them, but I made them feel like I didn't need them. The funny thing was, they actually ended up turning on me and .... yeah. You know, no one likes being treated like they can just be replaced. It's common for employees to feel that way, but not friends. There's something to be said for making a commitment in friendship. Now, if someone is a toxic friend and trying to get you to do some illegal or immoral things, then yes, distance! But I mean, the people in your life that know you well and aren't afraid to be honest with you. Don't just get mad and walk away from them. Maybe have some cooling off time and then a civil discussion about things. I've had some friends who really hurt my feelings, but I felt like their friendship was worth fighting for. And not giving up on someone- well that makes them feel pretty darn good.
I hope that these pieces of advice helped you! Do you have anything else to add to the list? Please leave a comment below!
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