If a girl asks you to a wedding, assume that she's doing so because she knows she will have a good time with you. Be flattered by her choice and, unless you have a schedule conflict, do her a favor and say yes. Once you say yes, do whatever you can to keep that commitment. There is nothing worse than getting a phone call, text, facebook message, or email that lets her know that "something came up". You may not be attracted to her, but save her the embarrassment of being rejected and having to attend a wedding alone. If you asked a girl friend to attend a wedding with you then these tips will help you, too.
Because you're such a great guy, you're going to need to remember a few common courtesy things.
1) Be early. She might need you to zip up her fantastic dress that she spend three weeks looking for, so arrive 10 minutes before the time she specified. Allow for traffic issues, as well.
2) Compliment her. She spent time doing her hair, make up, and trying on every pair of shoes to make sure to appreciate her efforts.
3) Don't volunteer the "friend" label. People will more than likely assume you are dating her, and for the event, you are on a date. So when people ask how long you've been together, or other details about the relationship, allow her to answer those questions. If you asked her to the wedding as your date, you are allowed to answer those questions.
4) Don't talk about other girls. You kept your commitment to go with this friend to a wedding. She knows that you're friends. She may even know that you like someone else. However, Do NOT talk about the object of your affection while on the wedding date. Show this young lady that you know how to be a gentleman, without leading her on. I've definitely had the experience where I was at an event with a guy friend and he talked about his crush all night. By the time I got home I wanted to yell "I get it! You like her! SHUT UP!" It's rude, don't do it.
5) Dance. A lot of weddings have dancing at the reception, if you know your wedding date likes to dance, then ask her for a spin on the dance floor. Even if you're horrible, or hate dancing, she'll appreciate the gesture. If she's a friend that you asked and maybe you're interested, you'll have a reason to get close to her.
6) Don't go flirt with all the single girls at the wedding. There will be, of course, a number of single girls at the wedding, who are looking around for a guy without a wedding ring. You're on a date, so don't be that guy who abandons his date and flirts with all the other single ladies.
7) It's okay if she wants to catch the bouquet. The bouquet toss and the garter catch are two traditions that seem to freak out wedding dates. If a girl asked you to be her wedding date, then reassure her that it's okay to go in for the bouquet. "Hey, do you wanna try to catch the bouquet?" "We can leave after the bouquet toss, if you want."
8) Thank her for a fun night out. Even if you are just friends, be sure to thank her for thinking of you and inviting you. Let her know you had fun spending time with her and getting to know her friends (if they're not mutual).
9) Walk her to the door. Yes, even if you're a friend, safety first.
Because you're such a great guy, you're going to need to remember a few common courtesy things.
1) Be early. She might need you to zip up her fantastic dress that she spend three weeks looking for, so arrive 10 minutes before the time she specified. Allow for traffic issues, as well.
2) Compliment her. She spent time doing her hair, make up, and trying on every pair of shoes to make sure to appreciate her efforts.
3) Don't volunteer the "friend" label. People will more than likely assume you are dating her, and for the event, you are on a date. So when people ask how long you've been together, or other details about the relationship, allow her to answer those questions. If you asked her to the wedding as your date, you are allowed to answer those questions.
4) Don't talk about other girls. You kept your commitment to go with this friend to a wedding. She knows that you're friends. She may even know that you like someone else. However, Do NOT talk about the object of your affection while on the wedding date. Show this young lady that you know how to be a gentleman, without leading her on. I've definitely had the experience where I was at an event with a guy friend and he talked about his crush all night. By the time I got home I wanted to yell "I get it! You like her! SHUT UP!" It's rude, don't do it.
5) Dance. A lot of weddings have dancing at the reception, if you know your wedding date likes to dance, then ask her for a spin on the dance floor. Even if you're horrible, or hate dancing, she'll appreciate the gesture. If she's a friend that you asked and maybe you're interested, you'll have a reason to get close to her.
6) Don't go flirt with all the single girls at the wedding. There will be, of course, a number of single girls at the wedding, who are looking around for a guy without a wedding ring. You're on a date, so don't be that guy who abandons his date and flirts with all the other single ladies.
7) It's okay if she wants to catch the bouquet. The bouquet toss and the garter catch are two traditions that seem to freak out wedding dates. If a girl asked you to be her wedding date, then reassure her that it's okay to go in for the bouquet. "Hey, do you wanna try to catch the bouquet?" "We can leave after the bouquet toss, if you want."
8) Thank her for a fun night out. Even if you are just friends, be sure to thank her for thinking of you and inviting you. Let her know you had fun spending time with her and getting to know her friends (if they're not mutual).
9) Walk her to the door. Yes, even if you're a friend, safety first.
Interesting post. I don't really understand some of the points here, though, if its *not* a date, but just a friend inviting another friend. (In #3 and #6 you say it's a date, but in #4 and #9 you say it may just be a friend thing, so I'm confused.)
ReplyDeleteIf it's not a date, I don't know why the guy should need to treat it as a date, and why the girl should expect the guy to act like he's on a date.
Another thing that I've never understood is why it is viewed as being so important to go to a wedding with a date, especially if there are going to be other people there that you know. It seems to be a very common thing that people feel out of place going to weddings by themselves, but I've gone to most weddings by myself and I usually have a great time just meeting up with friends once I get there.
Single people would have a lot more fun if they realized that some things (like going to weddings, dance events, concerts, movies, etc) that are typically regarded as "couples" activities can be fun to do by themselves and often are the way that you meet other single people that are interested in the same type of thing.
Well there are times when going to a wedding alone is a very difficult thing for a woman, so the option of having someone fun tag along is preferred.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, though this isn't a traditional date, it's still an opportunity to be a gentleman and treat the lady you're with as kindly as possible.
If the wedding is of two people who have many mutual friends, then I agree, having a group is fun.
Also, bear in mind that it's rarely looked down upon for men to be single whereas, unfortunately, some of society still looks down on women who are not married or dating.
Though I've never seen the side of society that looks down on single people, I've heard it exists. Society needs to grow up and get wise. :)
ReplyDeleteI do have a question for you: I am getting the impression from this post and your reply that a girl asking a guy to accompany her to a wedding is pretty much the equivalent to asking a guy out on a date. Is that correct? I'm honestly curious. I think guys should know whether this is the case or not, because it makes a difference in how you act and even in whether you accept the invitation or not.
I actually don't put a wedding date and a "real" date in the same category. I usually will ask a guy to attend a wedding, or work function, with me so that I have someone there to talk to. I do not advocate women asking men on dates, this is the exception, though. I think that God gave men certain responsibilities, pursuing a woman is among them.
ReplyDeleteThanks, that makes things clearer. What I'm getting out of this discussion is (correct me if I'm wrong!):
ReplyDeleteWhen a girl invites you to a wedding and you go with her, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're romantically interested, but it is the guy's obligation to focus primarily on her and pretty much behave as though it is a date (by not showing romantic interest in other girls, walking her to the door afterwards, making sure to ask her to dance, etc).
I don't have any problem with that--although I will say, it does put a bit of pressure on the guy, so a girl should understand if a guy says "no" to the invitation. (Just as every guy has to learn not to take it personally when a girl says "no" to a date.)