Reviving Chivalry: Joe & Renee

 

 

photo by: Becca Tomko

Joe and I met through mutual friends at Watermark Community Church after the young adult’s “Launch” retreat in September 2011. At that same time, we both started serving in the same ministry at church (“Wake” – the middle school ministry). We began running in the same circles of friends and saw each other serve with our students. We instantly hit it off as good friends with a common love of random things such as hymns, being competitive at board games, and just an enjoyment of talking with each other. What really impressed me about Joe is how he treated our relationship before we started dating. Joe never played games. He always made his intentions known without being aggressive or obnoxious. He let me know he cared for me but waited to pursue me until I was ready for us to date. He made sure to step back and let me get to know him as a friend before we started dating. What also really impressed me about Joe was the way I saw him treat others. He invested richly into the lives of his middle school Small Group guys multiple times during the week. I loved that Joe spent his “single” time well – joining a community group, serving, and growing as a man of God.

Joe asked me on our first date at the end June of 2012; shortly after I get back from a trip to Estes Park, Colorado, with Watermark. We ran into each other after church that Sunday and Joe decided to ask me out on a date. He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner and spend some time getting to know each other better. I was so excited he asked and said yes. We had dinner at Buco De Beppo and just talked. It was perfect.

After we had our first date, we began spending intentional time together, but mainly with friends. We would invite a few close friends over and have “Simpson’s” marathons. Joe and I had completely different work schedules: he worked nights on the weekends and I worked long weekdays. So other than church events, we really only got to hang out for about 2 hours every Friday and Saturday night. Even though very hard, it was a good thing for us because it made us put a lot of effort into the time we had together. This kept our relationship from being all about the emotional high of dating someone and more about learning who the other person was as a brother or sister in Christ.

 photo by: Viviana Mora

I began to feel like Joe was someone I could marry when I saw how different he treated me and our relationship compared to other guys I’ve dated throughout my life. Joe did his very best to be intentional from the start and always looked for our best. One of the best ways that Joe led out in our relationship was in the area of purity – he initiated the conversation but together we decided to place high expectations on what we valued as purity. This has been one of the biggest blessings Joe could have given me. Joe led in all of our important conversations around the future, including expressing that he wanted to take Merge, Watermark’s premarital class. Throughout our whole relationship, Joe made an effort to lead out in honesty, forgiveness, and pushing each other one to love Christ more. Joe and I just really seemed to be in step on the big areas of life, which provided a lot of comfort to me. Another huge area that made me feel like Joe was the one I could marry is how he just fits in with everyone: my community group loves him, my parents and sister and her family love him, and he fits in well with my friends who aren’t from Watermark. He’s just fun to be around and everyone enjoys him! It definitely doesn’t hurt that I absolutely love his family too!!

photo by: Mandy Winkler

 The night Joe and I got engaged, I had no idea it was coming! We had been through premarital and talked about marriage, but Joe and I had never talked about being engaged or even talked about rings. But Joe was super sneaky. Joe and I had dinner plans to celebrate our Christmas together before family time started. We went to the place we had our first date, Bucco De Beppo, and exchanged gifts. I knew we were doing something afterwards as I had been advised to “dress warm” but I wasn’t sure what we were doing. It turns out we were going on a carriage ride in Highland Park to look at Christmas lights! I grew up showing horses so this was a perfect surprise and so romantic. We had been in the carriage for a while when the driver told us to get out and go check out this beautiful arbor. When I got out of the carriage, I noticed that the entire pathway was covered in rose petals and lined with tea light candles. Still not clued in, I thought it was for one of the fancy parties going on in the neighborhood! As we walked up to the arbor, I noticed a giant heart made out of rose petals – so beautiful! I knew someone was getting proposed to, I just wasn’t convinced it was me until a few seconds later when Joe got on one knee and asked me to marry him. After Joe proposed (and I said yes), Joe motioned for my mom, dad, best friend, best friend’s mom, his sister-in-law, and his brother to come join us in celebration. They had been hiding the whole time and his sister-in-law, Martha, who is a professional photographer, had gotten pictures of the whole thing! It was beautiful and perfect. My dad even pulled out the phone and played the message Joe left, asking if he could come by to talk with him about some things.

 photo by: Martha Nziramasanga Photography

What Joe does that is chivalrous is that he looks out for my good over his good and he chases after Jesus more than anything else. Joe isn’t perfect, and I certainly am not perfect either. But it is really chivalrous when a man will lead out in a relationship, apologize when things don’t go the greatest, is honest, makes an effort with my family and friends, and be admirable in the way they love and serve the Lord.

photo by: Martha Nziramasanga Photography

photo by: Tamara Dirkse

Joe, thank you for being such a good example of what chivalrous pursuit looks like. Thank you, Renee, for sharing this beautiful love story that God has written.