Dear Sparkly,
I flirt with girls a lot, but they always end up thinking I like them. If I like them I would ask them out. What gives?
-Cowboy Casanova
Here's the problem with that question, you're expecting women to ignore what you say and bank purely on the fact that you'll initiate action when you're ready. The truth is, most women take flirtation as action and are offended when you don't ask them out. Insecurities are then fed and they end up getting angry with you because you "led them on." Here's some of my personal opinions on the matter....
Flirting, in the correct context, can be very advantageous. It's a way of making a woman feel good about herself and show that you've been paying a certain amount of attention to her. Flirting has become common among singles, though, so much so that it's hard to tell if a person actually likes you or is just comfortable enough around you to flirt. When you truly like someone, you should be able to have some way of setting her apart from the others. Flirtation is one such thing, and should be treated as such.
About 6 months ago I had a guy tell me that they stayed clear of a certain young woman because of her flirtatiousness. It was refreshing to hear that a man not only recognized her as a flirt but also expressed how it was a turn off. Why would any guy on her radar think he was being treated any differently than guys she didn't actually like?
There are a few women, few and far between, that understand that if a guy likes a girl then he will ask her out and everything else he says or does should be ignored. Anytime I hear women say that, I can't help but shake my head because it's one more way we haven't taken a stand to be treated better.
So, CC, my advice would be to grow up. Start treating women the way they ought to be treated. Save flirtation for the lady that truly catches you eye, avoid having a reputation of being a Casanova and a player. If you stop flirting with the girls then they won't have any reason to be hurt and offended when you don't ask you out, and the girls you do flirt with will know there's a reason you're communicating in that way.
If you have any beauty, fashion, or etiquette questions email me at sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
I flirt with girls a lot, but they always end up thinking I like them. If I like them I would ask them out. What gives?
-Cowboy Casanova
Here's the problem with that question, you're expecting women to ignore what you say and bank purely on the fact that you'll initiate action when you're ready. The truth is, most women take flirtation as action and are offended when you don't ask them out. Insecurities are then fed and they end up getting angry with you because you "led them on." Here's some of my personal opinions on the matter....
Flirting, in the correct context, can be very advantageous. It's a way of making a woman feel good about herself and show that you've been paying a certain amount of attention to her. Flirting has become common among singles, though, so much so that it's hard to tell if a person actually likes you or is just comfortable enough around you to flirt. When you truly like someone, you should be able to have some way of setting her apart from the others. Flirtation is one such thing, and should be treated as such.
About 6 months ago I had a guy tell me that they stayed clear of a certain young woman because of her flirtatiousness. It was refreshing to hear that a man not only recognized her as a flirt but also expressed how it was a turn off. Why would any guy on her radar think he was being treated any differently than guys she didn't actually like?
There are a few women, few and far between, that understand that if a guy likes a girl then he will ask her out and everything else he says or does should be ignored. Anytime I hear women say that, I can't help but shake my head because it's one more way we haven't taken a stand to be treated better.
So, CC, my advice would be to grow up. Start treating women the way they ought to be treated. Save flirtation for the lady that truly catches you eye, avoid having a reputation of being a Casanova and a player. If you stop flirting with the girls then they won't have any reason to be hurt and offended when you don't ask you out, and the girls you do flirt with will know there's a reason you're communicating in that way.
If you have any beauty, fashion, or etiquette questions email me at sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
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