Dear Sparkly,
I read your post the other day about how men need to tone down their flirtation. But what if I'm just being nice to a girl and she takes it the wrong way? I like to make sure that my girl friends get to their car safely, so I offer to walk them. I hold doors, give hugs, etc. Do I need to stop doing this because I don't mean to give mixed signals but that's what's happening.
-Too Chivalrous
It has become common for women to distinguish between politeness, or chivalry, and flirtation. My friend and I have gotten to the point where we make it a competition for guys to walk us to our cars or to even open a bottle of wine. But it's because of their fear of misinterpretation that we have to do this, at all.
Ladies, I've stressed the importance of letting men be men, so when your male friends begin to treat you better, don't assume that they're doing it because they like you. They're doing it in response to your desire to be treated like a lady ought to be.
It might sounds strange, but when I'm with friends and happen to get to a door before the guys, I always step back and allow one of them to come around and get the door for me. Like I said previously, I also ask for an escort to my car. But when a guy in my group of friends does one of these things without me even asking, I don't take it as a sign of greater affection. I take it as him wanting to be a gentleman. And truthfully, ladies, if you demand to be treated well by your male friends, then any potential boyfriend will have to treat you just as well.
To answer your question, TC, don't stop what you're doing. But if a lady is misreading your actions, be sure to use words like "friend, bestie, dude".... If you want more details about how to kindly friend-zone her read Ask Suzy Women Decoded Question #5.
If you have questions on beauty, fashion, or etiquette email me at sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
I read your post the other day about how men need to tone down their flirtation. But what if I'm just being nice to a girl and she takes it the wrong way? I like to make sure that my girl friends get to their car safely, so I offer to walk them. I hold doors, give hugs, etc. Do I need to stop doing this because I don't mean to give mixed signals but that's what's happening.
-Too Chivalrous
Ladies, I've stressed the importance of letting men be men, so when your male friends begin to treat you better, don't assume that they're doing it because they like you. They're doing it in response to your desire to be treated like a lady ought to be.
It might sounds strange, but when I'm with friends and happen to get to a door before the guys, I always step back and allow one of them to come around and get the door for me. Like I said previously, I also ask for an escort to my car. But when a guy in my group of friends does one of these things without me even asking, I don't take it as a sign of greater affection. I take it as him wanting to be a gentleman. And truthfully, ladies, if you demand to be treated well by your male friends, then any potential boyfriend will have to treat you just as well.
To answer your question, TC, don't stop what you're doing. But if a lady is misreading your actions, be sure to use words like "friend, bestie, dude".... If you want more details about how to kindly friend-zone her read Ask Suzy Women Decoded Question #5.
If you have questions on beauty, fashion, or etiquette email me at sparklyinthecity@gmail.com
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