Dear Sparkly
I'm really interested in this guy I met at church. He has been around me socially and asks some questions about my past and wants to know more about me. One of my friends said that I should not tell him everything about me, I kind of have shared a lot. I think that Christians should be honest. I don't want to play games. What do you think?
Games are definitely not fun for anyone, so unless you are manipulating this guy, it sounds like you aren't playing any games. So I'm guessing that when he's asking you these very personal questions, they are being asked while you are both at some group event or party. Here's my advice:
1) The next time he asks you a personal question- respond with "You know, I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now." It isn't rude to decline an answer, especially if you're in an environment where others could overhear your discussion.
You might be thinking that it's rude or dishonest, or that because you're a Christian than you should be "transparent". Transparency should be limited to a small group of people that you trust and are consistently spurring you and encouraging you in your faith. Potential boyfriends should not be included in that group. Men need mystery, even men who are your friends- if you like him- shut your mouth.
2) Men Need Mystery. It's what I call "New Kid Syndrome." We are always attracted to someone we don't know (or knows us) over someone who has been in our lives for any length of time. Why? Because it's exciting! It's an adventure! They are new and shiny! I will honestly say that at 28 years old, I still like to wear my new shoes out of the store. But the truth is, men like to have to ask questions, so the more questions you answer outside of a date, the less he will need to ask you ON a date.
3) There's a difference between Dating and Being in a Relationship.... just ask facebook. haha. But seriously, for some reason a lot of Christians that I know think that there is something bad about labeling something as "dating". So I'm going to take a few lines and explain this for all of you....
Dating- you are going on dates to get to know someone better and see if you're a good match for a relationship. There is no claim to be exclusive. That's right- he is allowed to see other people, as are you. You can choose to not see others but until his asks you to be exclusive don't expect him to be.
Relationship- you have had a conversation about intentions and the intention is to be exclusive. Letting him decide on this is the best option. Not pressuring the issue can show him that you are willing to let him take the wheel.
Engaged- you have decided you CANNOT live without this person with whom you are relationshipping. Or you don't want to live without them. Anyways, he gets on one knee and asks you to marry him.
You'll notice that I left out "Talking"... that is because I think that if you are accepting the questions a guy asks without a date, then- sorry to say it- you're an idiot. Ladies, don't sell yourself short. Guys, if you want to know a lady, take her on a date.
So basically here's the summary, and the answer to your question:
Talk Less.
Oversharing: Part 2 will discuss the ramifications of sharing your past too quickly when dating.
I'm really interested in this guy I met at church. He has been around me socially and asks some questions about my past and wants to know more about me. One of my friends said that I should not tell him everything about me, I kind of have shared a lot. I think that Christians should be honest. I don't want to play games. What do you think?
Games are definitely not fun for anyone, so unless you are manipulating this guy, it sounds like you aren't playing any games. So I'm guessing that when he's asking you these very personal questions, they are being asked while you are both at some group event or party. Here's my advice:
1) The next time he asks you a personal question- respond with "You know, I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now." It isn't rude to decline an answer, especially if you're in an environment where others could overhear your discussion.
You might be thinking that it's rude or dishonest, or that because you're a Christian than you should be "transparent". Transparency should be limited to a small group of people that you trust and are consistently spurring you and encouraging you in your faith. Potential boyfriends should not be included in that group. Men need mystery, even men who are your friends- if you like him- shut your mouth.
2) Men Need Mystery. It's what I call "New Kid Syndrome." We are always attracted to someone we don't know (or knows us) over someone who has been in our lives for any length of time. Why? Because it's exciting! It's an adventure! They are new and shiny! I will honestly say that at 28 years old, I still like to wear my new shoes out of the store. But the truth is, men like to have to ask questions, so the more questions you answer outside of a date, the less he will need to ask you ON a date.
3) There's a difference between Dating and Being in a Relationship.... just ask facebook. haha. But seriously, for some reason a lot of Christians that I know think that there is something bad about labeling something as "dating". So I'm going to take a few lines and explain this for all of you....
Dating- you are going on dates to get to know someone better and see if you're a good match for a relationship. There is no claim to be exclusive. That's right- he is allowed to see other people, as are you. You can choose to not see others but until his asks you to be exclusive don't expect him to be.
Relationship- you have had a conversation about intentions and the intention is to be exclusive. Letting him decide on this is the best option. Not pressuring the issue can show him that you are willing to let him take the wheel.
Engaged- you have decided you CANNOT live without this person with whom you are relationshipping. Or you don't want to live without them. Anyways, he gets on one knee and asks you to marry him.
You'll notice that I left out "Talking"... that is because I think that if you are accepting the questions a guy asks without a date, then- sorry to say it- you're an idiot. Ladies, don't sell yourself short. Guys, if you want to know a lady, take her on a date.
So basically here's the summary, and the answer to your question:
Talk Less.
Oversharing: Part 2 will discuss the ramifications of sharing your past too quickly when dating.
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