Dear Sparkly, Everytime I tell a girl about my past she gets scared off. I don't want her to think I'm perfect so I tell her about my past right up front. But I keep getting rejected! IM A CHANGED MAN! How can I not scare a girl off? Am I too broken to find someone? I just want her to know what she's getting into. -Honest
Well all fall victim to opening up too quickly sometimes. I think it's because if we've invested in a relationship before and then when that person found out about our sordid past, they leave, and we feel like we've wasted the last few months. This is certainly not the first time I've run across this scenario.
So what's the problem with sharing too much too quickly? I'm glad you asked. We all have a past, we all have that unique history that makes us who we are. No matter what happened in your past, it's my personal belief that as long as you made the decision and effort to overcome that past, then you're okay. One of the great things I love about my church, shout out to Watermark, is that I meet a lot of people whose lives have been radically changed.
One of my dearest friends used to be a drug addict. I have others who did time in prison. One had an abortion. Others have a very extensive sexual history. It's not about who you were, it's about who you are.
That said, it's very important to let someone see who you are now, let them see the fruit of your efforts of changing before throwing your past in their face. Yes, you should be honest, but don't scare the person away! By waiting to tell someone you like about your past you're going to accomplish a couple of things:
1) You're going to let them see who you are now.
2) When you do tell them, after a month or two, then they will be able to see that the change was, in fact, real and will allow them to accept your past.
I've heard the excuse "I want them to know what they're getting into." Hey, like I said, honesty is great! But what they are "getting themselves into" is the New And Improved you, so let them make the decision based on that. Hope that helps!
You can read Oversharing: Part 1 here...
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