I remember when I first heard the phrase "Oh, yeah, he's someone I'm talking to." And I remember having to ask what "talking" was about. It was 9 years ago, my freshman year of college, and the label of talking has become more popular as I've gotten older.
I've discussed in a previous post that I think "talking" is stupid. I tell ladies that if a man wants to get to know her and decide whether or not he wants to be in a relationship, then he needs to take her on a date. When he doesn't do that, then he is allowed to get to know her deeply, without any kind of true investment, and when her feelings are hurt because he chose to not pursue her further, he gets off scot-free by saying "But, why are you upset? We weren't even dating?"
Now, talking is more than just oversharing with a handsome (or pretty) acquaintance. It can take form in emails, facebook messages, or texting. One of my friends recently got down in the dumps because the guy she was attracted to seemed to want to get to know her, but never took her on a date. Instead, he would approach her in a social setting, draw her out by asking insightful questions, and then backed off. All the while, she assumed what he was doing was pursuing her, while he was really just "talking".
Men... I'm going to give you a piece of advice. If you're really interested in getting to know a lady better, take her to coffee or to dinner. Those are appropriate places to ask insightful questions that may be more personal and allow you to determine whether or not she is a good match.
Ladies....sadly, I think you will have more responsibility in this area, so just bear with me. You are in charge of this "talking" period. If you want a date, then make the guys take you on a date. You don't need to try and sell yourself by talking yourself up while in a social setting. If a guy starts to ask you about your background, beliefs, long term goals- tell him "I'm not comfortable talking about that right now." It's not rude, it's honest. And if the guy wants to really know, he should ask you on a date.
Secondly, if he does ask you on a date, don't project a whole relationship in one night. Allow him to get to know you better, slowly. And if things don't work out, don't get down on yourself. A relationship does not one date make.
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