One of my friends told me that a few months ago, and yes, he is a guy. I spent some time talking with him about that and why he felt those words were true. For some men, opening the door for a lady is second nature. For others, they don't even think about doing something as small as that. I think about how some men are completely okay with a woman pursing them and driving the relationship, in fact, to those it's actually preferred for a woman to be in charge.
Ladies, let's be honest- we have spoiled men.
There's a difference between baking dinner for a boyfriend because he's busy or needs a decent meal and baking dinner for a guy to convince him that you would be a good girlfriend. I've seen it happen over and over. A few years ago I watched this very thing unfold in a singles ministry. Someone would open their home for a movie night, the girls were responsible for bringing food and the guys would bring drinks. The ladies would slave all day in the kitchen to make some wonderful something, in hopes of getting the attention of a certain guy. But what would actually happen was very different than the expectation the ladies had. The guys would come through the kitchen, fill their plates, and go right back to watching the movie, without uttering a word of gratitude to the girls for bringing all the food. Sadly, I watched this happen over and over for a couple of years before I decided that I needed out of that environment.
I see, all the time, how guys don't hold doors open for ladies, or don't walk on the side of the sidewalk that is closest to traffic (oh, yeah, that's a thing). But ladies, what are we doing? We are accepting this behavior and not demanding anything more. And then when the one guy who does something gentlemanly, like walk us out to our car, even if it's in the total opposite direction of his, we assume it's because he has feelings for us. I've addressed this before but I don't think I can say it enough- be careful to not mistake friendliness, or gentlemanliness, for flirtation.
So, here are a few steps you can take to unspoil some of the men in your life (they work, I've tested them):
1)When leaving a group event, ask "Who would like to walk me to my car?"
2)If you and a guy, even a guy friend, approach a door at the same time, step aside and let him get the door for you.
3)Anytime a guy offers to pick up a tab, dinner or coffee, graciously accept- understand also that unless he calls it a date, it's just him paying for his female friend (I have guy friends who pay for me once in a while and I LOVE it).
4)Say "Thank you." Every. Single. Time.
The truth is, if we want a man to be a gentleman to us, we need to stand up and force him to do it. And whether or not you end up married to one of guys you've encouraged to be a gentleman, chances are you will learn to have higher standards for the men you choose to date because they will need to treat you just as well as your guy friends. And any future wife of your guy friends will appreciate that she gets to marry a gentleman, as well.
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