Jackie had a crush on Aaron for a long time. She had fantasized what it would be like if they were to date. Aaron was traditional, came from a good home, and seemed to be on track with his life goals. When they finally started dating, Jackie didn't understand why he seemed distant, and didn't like to talk about their future. Finally, Aaron received news that he wasn't eligible for the financial aid he needed to attend an architectural program that would move him closer to Jackie. When Aaron broke up with Jackie, the same day he got the news, Jackie was crushed. Why was he so willing to give up on them? A few years later, Jackie and Aaron ran into each other and sat down for coffee. As Aaron talked about his current life, Jackie suddenly began to realize that he was in a dead end job, living in the pool house of a friends' parents house, and had lost sight of his long term, post collegiate goals. As Jackie sat there, across from the man she had wanted to marry, she realized that Aaron hadn't lived up to the fantasy she had built up in her head.
Jackie made a big error, that is so easy for all of us, women and men alike, to make. When you like someone it is easy to get caught up in why they should be with you. You focus on all the reasons you'd be good for them, and why they'd be good for you. When I was in middle school, my girl friends and I would have tons of reasons why we would be good girl friends for our crushes. "I like cheerleading, and he is a football player, we totally have that in common!" "We're both into Algebra." "He is good at math and I'm good at English, we compliment each other so well!" As we get older, I've noticed that we do the same thing, just on a different level. "He has a really good job and likes to travel, and I like to travel, too." "We both play softball, so we could do that together as a couple." "He doesn't show his real self to a lot of people, but can be himself around me. I think I'm the only one who can handle him."
Having those kinds of thoughts can just about kill the mood when you start dating someone. If a guy asks you on a date, be sure to not read too much in to everything, or project your fantasy relationship on to him. Just because a friend of your got engaged to a guy she only knew 4 months, doesn't mean that the guy you're having a drink with will be just like that. How?
Slow down. Enjoy each date as it comes. And don't always expect him to ask you out again, unless he has specified his interest. Be open to dating, I'm not saying you have to lower your standards, but if a guy is eligible for dating, say yes. Let him show you who he is, be laid back enough for him to open up and share about himself without feeling like you have a checklist. And don't ask "Where is this going?" If you let him, he will tell you.
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