As much time as I spend telling women to slow down and enjoy their first few dates getting to know the man across from them, I spend almost as much time telling men that if they don't want to be single then they need to ask a lady on a date. Many times what I have seen is that men won't even give the lady in question a chance because he thinks he knows her.
We are all different in a one on one setting. That is when guards should come down more, allowing you to see her heart, her faith, and her story. Trying to get to know a girl only in a social environment can, or should, only go so far. One of my guy friends told me, just last week, that he had been interested in getting to know a lady better, but she failed to show up to any social events. I then asked if he sought her out and told her something along the lines of "Hey, hope you make it to the party this weekend!" Just so that she would know that her presence was desired. The friend replied "No, I didn't do that. She wasn't making the effort to come around." Call me crazy, but I think that is the wrong response to the situation. Had this young lady known someone was actually interested in getting to know her better, even as a friend, then she may have invested her time at the event.
So here's my humble advice for you men. If you are truly interested in getting to know a lady better, show her that by initiating some light conversation with her in a social environment first. Then ask her out to get coffee or dinner.
The other thing I want to hit on is the expectations it seems that a lot of my friends, ladies included, have for who they need to marry. If you know me, outside of this blog, then you may have heard me say something about how arranged marriages have a higher success rate, that is because the people in those cultures understand what is important (a need) in marriage. The same friend told me that he needs to be with someone highly intelligent like himself. And then I asked if he had ever considered the fact that maybe he was missing out on the right woman because while he was looking for some intellectual fulfillment, he was missing out on the emotional.
I do think it's good to be with someone with whom you can converse, but what about the woman who understands you, accepts your flaws, and would stand by your side no matter what. Here's my second piece of advice for you men... Take some time to figure out the difference between a need and a want. It can definitely come across to women that men have the perfect woman built up in their mind, and when the women around them don't fit that list, then we are ignored. So, really, decide what really is the most important part of a healthy relationship and take a look around at the women in your life and see who fits that list.
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