"Dear Sparkly,
I read your post about flirtation and it really opened my eyes to the dark side of flirtation. Still, I thought flirtation was a good thing in some contexts. Could you write a follow up post about when and what flirtation is appropriate or good?"
Well, reader, I agree that my post about the Hazards of Flirtation caused some confusion and I was criticized for being legalistic. Of course I don't think all flirting is bad but when it's being used to take advantage of someone or to make your own ego feel good then it's time to do some self evaluating.
But you asked for what I think are appropriate scenarios for flirting. I kind of think there is only one- if you're interested in someone. That's all, the end. I guess I don't really understand the point of flirting with multiple people because when you do that it gets noticed. I dated a guy a while ago who I thought was interested in my friend when I first met him. When we were actually out, I told him about my apparent misconception and he told me that, while my friend was nice and good looking, he watched how she flirted with every guy that she spoke to and that was what turned him off. She didn't treat anyone differently.
I genuinely think that is what is most important when you like someone- treat them differently. Not weirdly or obsessively, but make sure that they understand that you are interested. If you're flirting with everyone with whom you come in contact with then there's nothing special left for that special person and they could completely miss the memo that you're attracted.
There's a guy that I know who continually flirts with most of the women in his life. it makes me sick to think about the fact that he not only leads them on, but also complains about "all the attention" he gets from these ladies. My suggestion was to stop flirting with all of them, and he acted like he didn't know what flirting is. Are you rolling your eyes, too? Okay, just making sure. The thing is, when someone is always flirting like that, even if they start to pursue someone, they will have a reputation.
My advice would be to just reserve flirting for when you like someone.
I read your post about flirtation and it really opened my eyes to the dark side of flirtation. Still, I thought flirtation was a good thing in some contexts. Could you write a follow up post about when and what flirtation is appropriate or good?"
Well, reader, I agree that my post about the Hazards of Flirtation caused some confusion and I was criticized for being legalistic. Of course I don't think all flirting is bad but when it's being used to take advantage of someone or to make your own ego feel good then it's time to do some self evaluating.
But you asked for what I think are appropriate scenarios for flirting. I kind of think there is only one- if you're interested in someone. That's all, the end. I guess I don't really understand the point of flirting with multiple people because when you do that it gets noticed. I dated a guy a while ago who I thought was interested in my friend when I first met him. When we were actually out, I told him about my apparent misconception and he told me that, while my friend was nice and good looking, he watched how she flirted with every guy that she spoke to and that was what turned him off. She didn't treat anyone differently.
I genuinely think that is what is most important when you like someone- treat them differently. Not weirdly or obsessively, but make sure that they understand that you are interested. If you're flirting with everyone with whom you come in contact with then there's nothing special left for that special person and they could completely miss the memo that you're attracted.
There's a guy that I know who continually flirts with most of the women in his life. it makes me sick to think about the fact that he not only leads them on, but also complains about "all the attention" he gets from these ladies. My suggestion was to stop flirting with all of them, and he acted like he didn't know what flirting is. Are you rolling your eyes, too? Okay, just making sure. The thing is, when someone is always flirting like that, even if they start to pursue someone, they will have a reputation.
My advice would be to just reserve flirting for when you like someone.
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