If you're just starting out with online dating then read Part One, Part Two and Part Three of this series before reading this post. Have you got your online profile set up? Have you been messaging back and forth? Are you now wondering how to truly weed out the creeps and find the actual potentials? Maneuvering the waters of online dating can be crazy especially because you can't see if they're wearing a wedding ring or have a record. But there are some things that you can do to stay safe in the online dating environment.
What are some things to look for if you're suspicious on his marital status? I've actually been dealing with this very thing, so it's completely relevant to my own life. There's been a guy that I messaged with back and forth a few times all in the eHarmony guided communication. However, at the last stage of the communication, instead of filling in the answers, he put "Lets talk soon:)" and sent the response. That was my first inkling that something was amiss. I decided to keep an eye on him and see what happened. When we began to email he told me how he had been catfished and spammed by another girl on the site. Not wanting to enable his seemingly odd behavior, I didn't ask too many questions and went on. He sent me his number and said that I could text him. What he doesn't know is that I don't initiate conversation with men that I meet online. So I didn't text him, instead sent him my phone number and said that he could call me. Not text me, call. Around 4am the next morning he had looked at my profile and a few hours later he replied to my email and said "Oh I just saw this!" Then he texted me and actually asked what a good time would be to call. That was a reasonable question, so I gave him a time to call that would be after work and before dinner plans with a girlfriend. He didn't call. He didn't call at all during the weekend. I did finally hear from him around lunch the following Monday. Maybe one of those things by themselves wouldn't send off a warming bell, but all together it makes me wonder.
The fact that he was online at 4am
He wanted to text, not call
He disappeared all weekend
Texts only during work hours
Now, I cannot totally confirm if he's married, but I also want to be careful for more than one reason. If what this man said is true about being spammed and is trying to be cautious then I don't want to make an assumption that might not be true. If he is actually just busy then I don't want to make an assumption that could make me act like a jerk. If he's married then of course I don't want to get caught up in some communication with him that would be inappropriate.
What if they aren't married, there's just something off? Delete them, their number, and send them to your reject list. I talked to a guy about a year ago through my online dating site and he seemed okay, maybe a little more wild than I usually prefer but I was willing to give it a shot. The first thing I didn't like was that the guy didn't ask what part of town I live in he just decided to name a place that is actually 30 minutes away from me. I asked if he could do something a little more in my vicinity and he offered to meet me at the same place, different location. It would still have been about 15-20 minutes away, but I decided that was better. The place he offered up as our meeting location wasn't somewhere I had been before and I found out from a friend that the pub is pretty wild and loud on the weekends. When the guy texted me to confirm the date I didn't respond immediately because I was driving. So he texted me again. And then again. When I finally replied I told him that I had been driving so I wasn't able to respond. So then he again wanted to confirm the date. I told him that I hadn't been to that specific pub before and I would prefer going somewhere else. He got mad and then said "Forget it. No date." At that point I stopped texting him back. So he sent me three more messages. "Did you get my last text?" "No date." "I'm not going to be there so don't show up."
You can draw your own conclusions, mine personally is that he has some major control issues. There isn't any way to be 100% sure if someone is married, crazy, etc, but use your judgement as best you can. Don't be afraid to turn down a date if something seems a little off. Next time on the blog I'll be talking about safe dating practices for meeting up with an online match!
What are some things to look for if you're suspicious on his marital status? I've actually been dealing with this very thing, so it's completely relevant to my own life. There's been a guy that I messaged with back and forth a few times all in the eHarmony guided communication. However, at the last stage of the communication, instead of filling in the answers, he put "Lets talk soon:)" and sent the response. That was my first inkling that something was amiss. I decided to keep an eye on him and see what happened. When we began to email he told me how he had been catfished and spammed by another girl on the site. Not wanting to enable his seemingly odd behavior, I didn't ask too many questions and went on. He sent me his number and said that I could text him. What he doesn't know is that I don't initiate conversation with men that I meet online. So I didn't text him, instead sent him my phone number and said that he could call me. Not text me, call. Around 4am the next morning he had looked at my profile and a few hours later he replied to my email and said "Oh I just saw this!" Then he texted me and actually asked what a good time would be to call. That was a reasonable question, so I gave him a time to call that would be after work and before dinner plans with a girlfriend. He didn't call. He didn't call at all during the weekend. I did finally hear from him around lunch the following Monday. Maybe one of those things by themselves wouldn't send off a warming bell, but all together it makes me wonder.
The fact that he was online at 4am
He wanted to text, not call
He disappeared all weekend
Texts only during work hours
Now, I cannot totally confirm if he's married, but I also want to be careful for more than one reason. If what this man said is true about being spammed and is trying to be cautious then I don't want to make an assumption that might not be true. If he is actually just busy then I don't want to make an assumption that could make me act like a jerk. If he's married then of course I don't want to get caught up in some communication with him that would be inappropriate.
What if they aren't married, there's just something off? Delete them, their number, and send them to your reject list. I talked to a guy about a year ago through my online dating site and he seemed okay, maybe a little more wild than I usually prefer but I was willing to give it a shot. The first thing I didn't like was that the guy didn't ask what part of town I live in he just decided to name a place that is actually 30 minutes away from me. I asked if he could do something a little more in my vicinity and he offered to meet me at the same place, different location. It would still have been about 15-20 minutes away, but I decided that was better. The place he offered up as our meeting location wasn't somewhere I had been before and I found out from a friend that the pub is pretty wild and loud on the weekends. When the guy texted me to confirm the date I didn't respond immediately because I was driving. So he texted me again. And then again. When I finally replied I told him that I had been driving so I wasn't able to respond. So then he again wanted to confirm the date. I told him that I hadn't been to that specific pub before and I would prefer going somewhere else. He got mad and then said "Forget it. No date." At that point I stopped texting him back. So he sent me three more messages. "Did you get my last text?" "No date." "I'm not going to be there so don't show up."
You can draw your own conclusions, mine personally is that he has some major control issues. There isn't any way to be 100% sure if someone is married, crazy, etc, but use your judgement as best you can. Don't be afraid to turn down a date if something seems a little off. Next time on the blog I'll be talking about safe dating practices for meeting up with an online match!
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