When I wrote my Valentine's series I took some flack for my post on spoiled men and what women do to cause this. I knew that it would be a touchy subject when I wrote it. So I decided to work on Part 2 and further explain the reasoning behind my opinion.
How do women spoil men?
It's easy to do, especially when we have friendships with those of the opposite sex. If you read my post about Friendationships, then you might see that I actually was the one who was spoiling a certain man. I might not have done it to the extent that many do, but I certainly spoiled him emotionally. So to clarify here are some examples, you can ask yourself these questions and if you answer yes, then you are probably spoiling men.
1) Do you cook for your guy friend(s)?
2) Do you always initiate hang outs or forward facebook invites to them?
3) Do you change your schedule to accommodate what they want to do?
4) Do you go to things you're uninterested in so you can hang out with your guy friend(s)?
5) Do you sacrifice sleep/exercise/other commitments because you are hanging out with the guy?
6) Do you approach cute guys at a bar or party?
7) Do you ask guys out on dates?
Just doing one, or maybe two, of these things might not seem like a big deal. But once you're in the habit of doing these things then it can be hard to stop, and suddenly it may be expected of you. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally guilty of all of these! Women are truly gifted at making us reasonable excuses to do these actions (and others)! "He's sick." "He had to work late." "We're just friends" "He's like family!" "He isn't good at verbalizing, but I know he cares."
Let's take a look at the last two "do you"'s. Do you approach guys at a bar or party? Do you ask guys out on a date? So often women use the excuse "We're equals." "Men say they like a woman who asks them on a date."
We're equals. Okay, society can say that. But I don't think I know one woman who would rather do the pursuing versus being pursued. Wouldn't you rather have a guy sending you flowers, calling you, taking you out, etc?
Men say they like a woman who asks them on a date. Uhm, their ego really likes it, but really, you can look desperate, not confident. Sure, any guy would be lucky to have you. But just like you don't like every guy that comes along, not every guy is going to like you.
I know women who have chased men. I've seen how the long term relationships turn out and the kind of men they end up with. There is a girl I went to high school with who would ask me to deliver the love letters she wrote. She came on strong when she met the man who is now her husband. She pushed him into marriage, thinking that would make her happy. But it didn't. She pressured him to father a baby, thinking that would make her happy. All I could see was how big of a DOORMAT this guy is. He just goes along with whatever she says. Another woman I know did the exact same thing. She bullied her husband into
marriage, kids, moving from Texas to Alaska... And again, he's a DOORMAT.
If you're reading this and thinking "Yeah, but those are just two people, and I like a guy with a strong personality." If that really is the guy you want, then he probably won't stay with you if you chase him if he even goes out with you. The last guy I "pursued" was very kind in his rejection and has remained a friend through that awkward circumstance.
If you said yes to any of the "do you"'s then take a moment and re-examine why you're doing those things. If you're trying to get a guy's attention so that he will see what a great girlfriend you would make, it's time to move on. I promise, the right guy won't need you to convince him of how wonderful you are, he'll see it for himself. You can call me old fashioned and say I'm not progressive, and you'd be right. But what I know and what I have seen is that when a man pursues the woman it's a better relationship. And if you're just doing the top 5 items on the list, stop. My guess is that you're going to continue to be taken advantage of because, sadly, your guy friend(s) have figured out how great you are and they're still just not that into you.
 |
| I promise, the right guy won't need you to convince him of how wonderful you are, he'll see it for himself. |
How do women spoil men?
It's easy to do, especially when we have friendships with those of the opposite sex. If you read my post about Friendationships, then you might see that I actually was the one who was spoiling a certain man. I might not have done it to the extent that many do, but I certainly spoiled him emotionally. So to clarify here are some examples, you can ask yourself these questions and if you answer yes, then you are probably spoiling men.
1) Do you cook for your guy friend(s)?
2) Do you always initiate hang outs or forward facebook invites to them?
3) Do you change your schedule to accommodate what they want to do?
4) Do you go to things you're uninterested in so you can hang out with your guy friend(s)?
5) Do you sacrifice sleep/exercise/other commitments because you are hanging out with the guy?
6) Do you approach cute guys at a bar or party?
7) Do you ask guys out on dates?
Just doing one, or maybe two, of these things might not seem like a big deal. But once you're in the habit of doing these things then it can be hard to stop, and suddenly it may be expected of you. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally guilty of all of these! Women are truly gifted at making us reasonable excuses to do these actions (and others)! "He's sick." "He had to work late." "We're just friends" "He's like family!" "He isn't good at verbalizing, but I know he cares."
Let's take a look at the last two "do you"'s. Do you approach guys at a bar or party? Do you ask guys out on a date? So often women use the excuse "We're equals." "Men say they like a woman who asks them on a date."
We're equals. Okay, society can say that. But I don't think I know one woman who would rather do the pursuing versus being pursued. Wouldn't you rather have a guy sending you flowers, calling you, taking you out, etc?
Men say they like a woman who asks them on a date. Uhm, their ego really likes it, but really, you can look desperate, not confident. Sure, any guy would be lucky to have you. But just like you don't like every guy that comes along, not every guy is going to like you.
I know women who have chased men. I've seen how the long term relationships turn out and the kind of men they end up with. There is a girl I went to high school with who would ask me to deliver the love letters she wrote. She came on strong when she met the man who is now her husband. She pushed him into marriage, thinking that would make her happy. But it didn't. She pressured him to father a baby, thinking that would make her happy. All I could see was how big of a DOORMAT this guy is. He just goes along with whatever she says. Another woman I know did the exact same thing. She bullied her husband into
marriage, kids, moving from Texas to Alaska... And again, he's a DOORMAT.
If you're reading this and thinking "Yeah, but those are just two people, and I like a guy with a strong personality." If that really is the guy you want, then he probably won't stay with you if you chase him if he even goes out with you. The last guy I "pursued" was very kind in his rejection and has remained a friend through that awkward circumstance.
If you said yes to any of the "do you"'s then take a moment and re-examine why you're doing those things. If you're trying to get a guy's attention so that he will see what a great girlfriend you would make, it's time to move on. I promise, the right guy won't need you to convince him of how wonderful you are, he'll see it for himself. You can call me old fashioned and say I'm not progressive, and you'd be right. But what I know and what I have seen is that when a man pursues the woman it's a better relationship. And if you're just doing the top 5 items on the list, stop. My guess is that you're going to continue to be taken advantage of because, sadly, your guy friend(s) have figured out how great you are and they're still just not that into you.
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